Well, I thought I’d write early in the day because I know that if I leave it later in the day I probably won’t continue writing this. I haven’t had the best record with keeping up ‘good’ habits and I hope to change that by journalling. Who knows? It could give me a measure of consistency?
It would also give me an opportunity to not worry about writing an entry later. The only problem – if you could call it that – is that my day isn’t completely finished. But at least this way, I can always write about the previous days events the next day. If this sounds convoluted then I’m not going to apologise… haha.
So, I started my period a few days ago, so I’m not feeling too great. Sigh. It took a month and a half to finally hit me because I was stressing about my dissertation results affecting my degree classification. Luckily that didn’t occur. My other modules were fine but I’m not going to lie, I felt really pissed off about the unhelpful feedback my supervisor gave. I didn’t expect a fantastic mark, but the ‘help’ she provided me with was awful. It’s a long story, so get ready to fasten your seat-belts as I spew out my frustration with that whole dissertation module.
Since last year I had to go to hospital – I’m still going for another injury, this time it’s a finger fracture on my left hand, my writing hand, which is annoying, but it’s getting better. I seriously think this woman is a robot or something because she knew I was struggling so why did she make me see her and hand in so many drafts while not saying anything constructive. I couldn’t even understand the language she was speaking in.
To be honest, I should have just read ‘how to write…’ dissertation guides in the summer as I planned to, but I didn’t more various reasons. A) I was a bit – kind of – lazy. B) I was depressed. C) I was overconfident that I’d do well in it and D) I had recently moved home.
So yes, I was in a bit of a mess. I realise that sometimes I’m a bit hard on myself – scratch that, a lot hard on myself – I mean what exactly could I have done I had to wear plaster casts every two weeks and I had a crazy, scary, dickhead surgeon, who I am very grateful for discharging me in May haha.
Shit happens. I guess I’m a perfectionist, but I’m trying not to be. I was actually happy with my degree classification until I met a bitch from one of classes by accident because I was in my college building just dropping off a card to one of my tutors. Well I actually saw him outside, but I went back in for another thing, but I’m not going into that. I knew she would be trouble when I first saw her. I was in a good mood because I’d had a wonderful week previously. Sometimes it’s best not to know stuff. I completely understand that phrase ‘curiosity killed the cat’ now. Because some people you talk to are really toxic. I’d had a really weird day. My bus had stopped and said that my bus stop was closed for whatever reason, so I had to get off. I spent about an hour just walking around trying to get my bearings. I literally ended up in another hospital and had to go to the toilet. I could hear a woman outside say “I don’t know if the that [mine] is shut or someone’s using it”. Um, take a wild guess, bitch.
After eating a pasta lunch outside, I finally arrived at the university, my brain was totally frazzled. I did my stuff and I met Toxic girl (Tox for short). Anyway Tox was coming from the direction of the student desk looking a bit down and she must have seen me smiling at her, despite my stomach sinking, you know the sensation like you body is telling you to run, but stupidly your brain is saying ‘wow, let’s spread some joy’. Oh my god, I honestly think I really naive like a milk carton – sometimes. I have a lot to learn.
So I think she asked me what I got and I told her. And then she asked my dissertation. Literally she was firing all these nosy questions at me. Argh. I was confused, but I guess that was Tox’s strategy. I said what I got and then I asked her. And apparently she got better than me in the dissertation. So I said ‘wow’. I couldn’t believe that such a gossiping bitch would do well especially with her subject and supervisor. The subject being ‘teacher-student relationships’ and the supervisor being a creepy old man who likes to invade peoples spaces on a semi-regular basis in class (unfortunately I had him for one of my third year 15 credit modules as well as him being module leader for the dissertation. I realise that some people actually relish competing with people. Seriously I don’t understand how she could have got a decent grade because she’s so mean, bitchy and jealous towards anyone who she suspects is a ‘threat’.
She insinuated that the reason why I didn’t perform as well as her (I think she’s lying about her degree classification, honestly, unless I see her actual certificate with my own eyes, I ain’t believing nothing), is because I didn’t attend the lectures. You know typical idiot behaviour. I said: “I had health problems, bitch.” Didn’t call her a bitch, obviously, I’m too good for insults to nobodies. And she kinda sneered “health problems.”
I was thinking why is it any of your business whether people actually attend lectures? Focus on your own education. One of things I didn’t like about the course I took was the cliques of people. I made a few friends there, but they are genuinely nice or lovely people. The gossipers are fucked up. They try to present themselves as ‘good, obedient students’ but really they complain about how some students don’t attend like they’re the attendance police. Shouldn’t you people feel that it’s an advantage to have not as many people in classes/lectures since you can ask the lecturer/tutors more questions. Use your brain and stop being so judgemental.
Seriously. I have never understood the appeal of their pack mentality. These people need to get over themselves.
So Tox said 10 people achieved high classifications and I’m thinking ‘yeah right’ because some of them weren’t even brainy. Wow. Tox herself isn’t exactly the most reliable source. She wants to do postgrad at that university (it’s an elite one) and she demanded why I didn’t want to do postgrad there. I have to laugh because she’s so clueless. I think she’s the type that tries to copycat people. It’s like she’s not even unique. She’s just dull if all she does is spend her time social media stalking people who are not even her friends. Sad. But I guess some girls are like that.
I’m actually grossed out that she decided to base her whole dissertation around ‘teacher-student relationships’ for real. I don’t mean in a normal sense; in a romantic sense! What the actual fuck??? She did say she was crushing on a module tutor we had in first year, so…
I’m happy with my degree classification. I didn’t enjoy the course – found it a bit repetitive and boring, so for me I came, I saw and I conquered (even in hospital). And at least now I can actually walk instead of limping everywhere! I consider 2018 a good year for me. 🙂